Saturday, April 12, 2008

Inner Turmoil

There's been a battle going on inside me for the last few weeks. I'm taking a statistics course that I hate and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail. There's a part of me that wants to quit and be done with it. But there's a part of me thats going "don't be a quitter, just see this thing through fail or not, just complete it"

So far I've been going with the latter opinion, but its getting harder to stay the course. I'm good until i open the book to try to study and then i just feel like fuck it... this shit means nothing to me... why am i wasting my time. Its like torture studying statistics, not that I'm completely hopeless at it, i did get a 94% in the first in-term exam. its not even that i suck at math it just that doing this course means nothing to me.

Truth is I'd rather be playing poker.

Which i also find somewhat troubling. Am i now putting poker before other things in my life? If i was not involved with poker would i be giving this course a better effort? disturbing questions for me to ponder.

Shouldn't i be free to decide what i want to do? I am of course. But i don't want my girlfriend to think I'm a quitter, or my friends or co-workers for that matter.


Final exam is on Wednesday. Case study that I'm not completely sure how to do is due at final. I've missed the last two classes so I'm almost completely unprepared.

There's no quitting now, I've come too far.

I will buckle down, do the case study to the best of my ability and study everything that we did up to this point. I will finish this course.

The most common choices in this world are the following: rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, doubt over confidence and fear over courage. The choices are ours to make.

1 comment:

Paul Bassi said...

I wouldnt quit if your toward the end of the course you may as well finish it and then play poker afterwards. Gl

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